He showed no reaction

Reactions are vital signs in which perception, nerves and muscles interact. It became apparent in the first few days that Mr. Gerber was not responding to any stimuli. The family decided not to keep the life-support machines running.

There were no signs

Mr. Gerber became aware of mortality when his healthy father was taken from life. Even one and a half years after his father's death, it is clear with what powerlessness the family looks back on the incident.

"One is shocked"

Mr. Gerber describes the helplessness he felt in the intensive care unit.

Anger, sadness and helplessness are close together

The sudden death of his father makes Mr. Gerber very angry. As a farmer, he was forced to continue his long working day despite the grief. He found visits very stressful during this time.

Mr. Gerber had to justify decisions to his siblings

In the first wave of the Corona pandemic, only two relatives were allowed into the hospital for terminal care. Mr. Gerber's siblings only knew their father's condition from descriptions. Thus, Mr. Gerber not only had to make the therapy decisions for his father, but also endure the criticism of his siblings.

During the long period of grief, his mother needed 24-hour care

Mr. Gerber has his own farm and always received a lot of support from his father. His father's death came at a time when Mr. Gerber was particularly dependent on him. To make matters worse, he then had to additionally take care of his mother and the administration of the funeral.

Mr. Gerber has gained two new insights

Mr. Gerber learned through the death of his father which people he needs around him in times of need. He now also knows how important it is to talk about his living will.

"Don't cry because you are sad, but smile because it was so beautiful"

Mr. Gerber found a lot of support in his faith community. When he thinks of his late father, he tries to remember the good times.

The helplessness was severe

When Mr. Gerber saw his father in the intensive care unit, he felt completely powerless. He was shocked to see his father like this, who only a day before had been perfectly healthy.

"We need to transfer him"

In the first wave of the Covid pandemic, there was a general ban on visitors. With a few exceptions, for example a decision at the end of life, two relatives were allowed to enter the hospital. The intensive care units were so full at the time that the patient had to be transferred to the central hospital after acute treatment.

The father was lying convulsing in the stable

They called the emergency services immediately when they found the father having a seizure.

The brain was severely affected

The neurological examinations already showed in the first few days that the patient would require severe care if the therapy was continued. Based on these clear findings, the relatives decided together with the medical team to discontinue the life-sustaining therapy.

"Unfortunately, my parents did not have a living will"

Although the patient's wishes are known, the son regrets that his father did not put them in writing. When the decisions were made to no longer use life-sustaining treatment on the father, Mr. Gerber felt the entire burden of the decision on his shoulders.

One "is in a state of emergency"

The burden, the pain and the feeling of powerlessness becomes clear in Mr. Gerber's narrative.

Mr. Gerber felt well informed by the discussions

The doctors communicated results and examinations in such a way that Mr. Gerber felt well informed. This enabled him to prepare himself for the decision to let his father go.

Mr. Gerber regrets not having accompanied his father when he died

Mr. Gerber, together with his family, made the decision to end his father's life-sustaining therapy. After this difficult decision, he went home. His father passed away in the palliative care unit. Looking back, he regrets the decision not to have stayed with his father. He would have found it helpful if the staff had involved him in the palliative care, thus losing the fear of death.

His father died on the 6th day of illness

Even though saying goodbye still hurts, it was the right decision for Mr. Gerber to have decided against life-sustaining therapy.

Mr. Gerber was active in the free evangelical congregation

Mr. Gerber describes himself as a devout person to whom the Christian faith gives constancy.

Do not think of a purple elephant

When it comes to medical decisions [example: preventive medical check-up], Mr. Gerber bases his decisions on the Bible and decided against the examination. He believes that thoughts have an effect and is convinced that trusting in God protects you.

The faith community as a source of help

Mr. Gerber is part of a religious community that accompanied him during the difficult period of mourning.