Ms. Soldo struggled with many complications

After the operation, Ms. Soldo started bleeding again and had to undergo further surgery. Part of the skull bone was removed to relieve the pressure on the brain. When this was reinserted, another collection of blood formed in the head. Ms. Soldo never recovered from the complications and lived in a nursing home for a year and a half after the incident, unable to move or communicate.

"Just another morning"

The sister-in-law immediately called an ambulance when she found her mother-in-law unconscious.

"Now she is simply bedridden"

Ms. Soldo reacts with her eyes to familiar voices. She gets pressure marks everywhere from lying down and her joints are stiff. The daughter does not know if her mother can understand her surroundings.

Ms. Soldo is now her mother's guardian

Until the brain haemorrhage, Ms. Soldo stood by her daughter with advice and support. Since the disease, the roles have changed and the daughter now makes all decisions for her mother.

Ms. Soldo had given birth to a child the day before her mother suffered a brain haemorrhage

Ms. Soldo only found out about her mother's brain haemorrhage a day later, as her family did not know how to tell her when she was in childbed. Tears still flow at the memories of those days almost two years after the event.

Ms. Soldo lives in a spiral of grief

As a result of the decisions made, Ms. Soldo feels partly responsible for her mother's condition in need of care. She moves between the sadness of seeing her mother in the condition and the guilty conscience when there are moments of happiness in her life.

The children kept her alive

With children, you are forced to get up and cope with everyday life. Looking back, Ms. Soldo sees that she would not have been able to cope with the difficult time without her children.

The nursing home costs CHF 15 000 per month

The costs for the home are paid by the disability insurance and the municipality. Beforehand, however, the closest relatives were checked for their financial means.

Ms. Soldo learnt not to get upset about little things

Ms. Soldo is now aware that life is too short to argue.

Friends and family stood by her during the difficult time

Ms. Soldo seeks distraction in nature and with her children. The crisis showed her that she can rely on her social environment.

As a family member, you get to hear a lot from other patients.

Ms. Soldo remembers sounds and images that she finds irritating.

For the staff, the patients were just numbers

Ms. Soldo criticises that she often overheard the staff telling each other the bed numbers instead of the patients' names or having educational talks in the corridor. She would like to see a more personal approach.

Since her mother has been living in a nursing home, Ms. Soldo has had to deal with many authorities

The costs for the place in the nursing home were paid by different institutions. Ms. Soldo had to disclose her finances and regularly work through many documents for this. She found this additional work very stressful. The support of Fragile Suisse and a social worker from the rehabilitation clinic were a great relief for Ms. Soldo. At the time of the interview, Ms. Soldo also had a professional representative who also helped her with administrative tasks.

Ms. Soldo does not get a chance to discuss her mother's therapy goals with the doctor treating her

The mother has been in a nursing home for more than 1 ½ years. Ms. Soldo would very much like to evaluate the therapy. She does not get a chance to have a medical consultation because she is denied contact. This indirectly deprives her as a carer of the right to dispose of her mother.

Ms. Soldo did not know the consequences of the interventions

Ms. Soldo suffered several complications. Her daughter was involved in each of the upcoming decisions. She was unable to assess the consequences. In retrospect, she would have liked to have decided against the last intervention, as her mother had to be cared for afterwards with severe impairments.

"You are selfish as a child"

Due to her state of health, the affected person was no longer able to express her desire for therapy. The relatives knew their mother's presumed wishes, as she never wanted to be in a wheelchair. Since the mother did not put her will in writing, it was up to the relatives to pass on the mother's will. They decided in favour of full therapy, as they could not consent to the mother's death.

The induced coma

After the operation, the patient had to be put into a coma again because of post-operative bleeding. Artificial sleep allows painful treatments to be carried out and stress to be reduced. However, those affected cannot express their wishes and needs in this state.

Ms. Soldo received a phone call to consent to another emergency operation for her mother

Months after the first bleeding, Ms. Soldo received a phone call because blood had accumulated again in her mother's head. The doctor was unable to tell her exactly what the effects of the operation would be. Ms. Soldo was shocked and anxious about the upcoming surgery. Without the operation, her mother could have died within a short time. Although she survived the operation, she never learned to move her muscles or communicate again.

Ms. Soldo wished she had been informed of the possible consequences at an earlier stage

Ms. Soldo could not assess her mother's future quality of life when making surgical decisions. She was also not aware of the long-term consequences of the planned interventions such as the tracheotomy or a permanent drainage of the cerebrospinal fluid (shunt). She criticised the fact that she had been informed about the measures and complications, but not about the long-term effects on her mother's life.

"Her life is somehow no longer worth living"

Ms. Soldo describes in a few words the apathy of her mother, interpreting it as if she had already “left” while still alive.

Ms. Soldo can see from her mother's face that she has given up on herself

Her mother has been incapacitated in a nursing home for well over a year. Ms. Soldo sees in her mother’s face how her expression is changing.

Ms. Soldo grew up in two cultures

When asked about faith, religion and spirituality, Ms. Soldo describes her cultural background. This shows that religious themes and culture can be intertwined. For Ms. Soldo, character is more important than religious affiliation.